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"If at first you don't succeed, pay someone else to do it for you"~ mark
"Please stop undressing me with your
eyes while i sit here"~ Mark
"My
name's Mark, I ride a scooter. I'm badass."~ Mark
"Some people think we're idiots and perverts, which we are."~ Tom
"I might
be a dork, but I don't want to be a jerk."~ Tom
"I know I've got a disgusting body, but I think it's funny, so I'm gonna make
people laugh at it."~ Mark
"if
i were a girl, every time i went to the gynochologist, id fake an orgasm"~ Mark
"I don't get boy bands today. They don't write
their own songs, and everything is choreographed from their dance moves on stage to how they have sex with each other after
the show"~ Tom
"I
can't live without Mexican food."~ Tom
" new found can keep him, new found can fucking keep him, were looking for a new bass player,
call me on 1800-fucking-guys-in-the-ass!"~ tom (talkin bout mark playing with new found glory)
"There are far too many people out there who
take themselves too seriously."~ Tom
"I call everyone stinky butt."~ Tom
"you cant turn chicken shit into chicken salad but you can put chicken
shit into someones chicken salad"~ Tom
"When you go from selling no records to selling lots of them, you have to wonder-did your mom
buy them all? Are they just sitting in your garage?"~ Tom
"I'm not gay, a lot of people think I'm gay. I have a girlfriend, she thinks
I'm gay"~ Tom
"Farts
and poop are still funny and will always be funny."~ Mark
"You only know us for this one song, but we've been here six years long... ahh
who cares everyone's getting laid tonight!"~ Tom
"I've masturbated like 5 times in the last 24 hours... it hurts... it's going
to fall off"~ Tom
"Some
people think we're idiots or perverts. Don't argue people, we are both"~ Tom
"hey what if testicals were things you could lose on an
everyday basis? that would suck... you only got three."~ Tom
"Put those 13 year old boobs away! If I wanted to see 13 year old boobs,
I'd hang out at the jr. high school like my dad does!"~ Mark
"I once tried to start a nudist colony in our bus, and it pretty much
ended up as just me hanging around naked..."~ Mark
"I'm a ninja of the masturbatory arts"~ Tom
"There's too many rad things to stick in your
butt besides a living animal."~ Tom
"Were not stars.... were all just dorks in a band"~ Mark
"I don't know why I am in this band, I am
the only guy that likes girls. I am the only one that believes that guys and girls should be together and that babies should
be made the penis vagina way."~ Tom
"I dont have a girlfriend, i have a dog."~ Mark
"make way for the hurt kid... and bring me,
their wallet."~ Tom
"the
first time i masturebated i was 18 and i blew a hole is the shower because i was saving up for so long."~ Mark
"I wasn't
very popular in high school cause the whole three testicle thing wasn't very in."~ Tom
"I'm not gay, but the man in my bed last night
was"~ Tom
"I
don't like the taste of beer and ice cream gives me diarrhea."~ Mark
"I am such a freak."~ Tom
"I like to look at men pooping in the other
mens mouth."~ Tom
"We
were bored and we couldn't get chicks. So we decided if we'd be in a band, that would take care of two problems at once."~
Tom
"Everyone
call Tom a Fuck Head!"~ Mark
"We're like, Fisher-Price: My First Punk Band."~ Mark
"you know what it is? Alot of these people
are just now jumping on the we hate Tom band waggon. I've been hating Tom since like 1995, I'm oldschool hatin Tom!"~ Mark
"Yeah, don't
eat dog semen. I hear it's the #1 cause of bad breath."~ Tom
"See it has nothing to do with how hard you work it all life has to do with
is which ass you kiss."~ Mark
"I
think we need therapy."~ Tom
"Disney
movies are fuckin' bitchin'."~ Mark
"If you guys are anything like me, you like to walk around in your mothers underwear trying
to seduce your father. What, Just Me?"~ Mark
"I have no idea why people like our band. Maybe bad taste is in."~ Mark
"we're just regular stupid people"~
Mark
"When
we made our " all the small things" video every one we made fun of just laughed. except the backstreet boys....they weren't
to happy about that"~ Tom
"Does
anybody think it's wierd to shit there pants in their sleep? Not that I do, but I did it last night and I'm wondering if that's
what smells."~ Tom
"I'm
installing a security system so nosey little kids don't watch me run around my house naked smearing peanut butter all over
me"~ Tom
"Please
don't throw your dirty toilet paper, I'm not hungry."~ Tom
"I just want to make a UFO movie."~ Tom
"I like to wash my underwear pair by pair
with, um, rose petals"~ Tom
"Right
now people think I'm ugly, but in 150 years they might think I'm handsome."~ Tom
"The only reason in the world that I bought
a computer was to look up UFO sites."~ Tom
"I used to drink a lot of beer, but I was just getting fat as can be."~ Tom
"We just write down a bunch of words,
and pray to god they make sense. And if we don't, it doesn't matter, were artists."~ Tom
"I'm probablly the best in bed, even if it
is just myself in bed"~ Tom
"hope
this song touches you like your father does."~ Tom
"I was always a loner."~ Mark
"we got the idea for the first date video clip from tom
watching a beejees documentary"~ Mark
"People always throw things at us."~ Tom
"182 has no significance, We just pulled
it out of our ass."~ Mark
"These
days, if we're not sleeping, we're trying to get food or we're watching TV."~ Tom
"People come to our shows with their kids and 5
minutes into our show u can see them grabbing their kids and walking out. its funny"~ Tom
"Take care of your colon and your colon will take
care of you."~ Travis
"Mark and i are actually both having children now, i guess, how weird is that, we
actually slept with each other first and none of us got pregnant so we tried sleeping with our wives, and then it happened"~
Tom
"Sometimes
I'll look at my shirt and see a bunch of loogies and get all grossed out, but it's all in the name of fun"~ Tom
"I
hated, hated, hated my job. You know those people who hate there job? That was me."~ Tom
"Its the Boobie Monster!!"~
Tom
"We
pull off looking stupid very well. We can do that without even trying."~ Tom
"Success is strange."~ Tom
"I
wanna have an orgasm on stage here, all I need is some light kisses to the tip of my penis. Just little small ones."~ Tom
"Just
one boobie will make me horny as shit. And if you have three boobies, then I'll get really really horny!"~ Tom
"Do
I look feminine when I stand like this?"~ Tom
"Humor has become so cliché and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it
involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable."~ Tom
"I wet myself
at night when I'm asleep, just like everybody.....I spy on my dad when he's taking a shower just like everybody else in this
world.....we're not just a joke band"~ Tom
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